Listening to Hear, an Essential Fundraising Skill

CG&A Staff
Nov 18
3 min read

We’ve all been in those conversations where we could tell that the listener didn’t really hear what we had to say. We’ve also been guilty of not listening well ourselves at least once (or 5,000 times!) in life.

Listeners sometimes get so distracted by other thoughts (planning what they’ll say next, guessing at meanings behind the speaker’s words, comparing experiences to their own, and so on) that they fail to hear the speaker. Sure, they might hear the words and even process some of the meaning, but this isn’t the same as connection without agenda, expectation, or distraction. Just as we’ve all felt unheard at times, you can hopefully remember a time where you sensed that the listener heard your heart without any strings attached.

In relational fundraising, listening to hear is a fundamental skill. If you think about it, it might seem like a manipulative tactic: practice being a really good listener so that people like talking to you and want to give to your organization. However, this isn’t what we’re encouraging. Instead, listening to hear completely removes manipulation from the picture.

When you listen to hear, you might discern that a donor’s heart is for a ministry far different from yours. You might hear that while someone appreciates your organization’s mission, he or she isn’t comfortable with the current leadership. You might hear that while a couple continues to practice generosity, a number of financial burdens are weighing heavily on them and they don’t have capacity to give more right now.

You might hear from a donor’s heart about painful situations and difficult truths, but if you don’t practice listening to hear, chances are donors will stick with guarded, surface level conversation.

Just like loving your spouse well or being patient with your children or showing grace toward your parents takes practice, so too does listening to hear. Ultimately, as Christ grows larger in our hearts our egos shrink, leaving room to listen and hear out of love—not manipulation.

Consider this list of bad listeners (as described in Messages: The Communication Skills Book by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning). Do you see your own tendencies in this list? If so, imagine what it could be like to sit with a donor when these tendencies aren’t invisible, uninvited guests at the table.

Mind Reader: You second guess the donor’s intentions, thinking, “What is this person really thinking or feeling?” instead of listening.
Rehearser: Running through your mental list of what you’ll say next tunes out the donor. Fundraisers can feel pressured to keep the conversation flowing, so rehearsing is an easy trap to fall into.
Filterer: Some call this selective listening—hearing only what you want to hear.
Dreamer: Drifting off during a face-to-face conversation can lead to an embarrassing “What did you say?” or “Could you repeat that?”
Identifier: If your first thought after the donor’s every sentence is about your own experience, you probably didn’t really hear what was said.
Comparer: When you get sidetracked stacking yourself up against the messenger, you’re sure to miss the message.
Derailer: Changing the subject too quickly tells others you’re not interested in anything they have to say. This can be tempting to do when a donor offers a helpful critique of your ministry/organization.
Sparrer: You hear what’s said but quickly belittle it or discount it, shutting down open conversations—again, tempting to do when a donor shares critiques.
Placater: Agreeing with everything you hear just to be nice or to avoid conflict does not mean you’re a good listener or a relational fundraiser.

Canaan Group & Associates can help your fundraising team take a hard look at its listening skills and practice having open conversation with donors. Our team has decades of experience doing this in real life, and we’ve all had to grow this skill through the grace of God. Contact us to start the conversation.